Thesis and Paragraph Development
Remember, as we discussed in class, A Thesis Statement is an idea, stated
as an assertion, which represents a reasoned response to a question at
issue which will serve as the central idea of a unified composition.
In other words, a thesis tells you reader the key point that your essay
is going to prove. It shows the focus of your essay and the position
that you take on the subject at hand.
Some strong thesis statements that I culled from your synthesis/analysis
essay drafts include:
|Rebecca Brown always manages to provide readers with enough background
information so that they remember her characters as people and not just
|Comparing how Rebecca Brown represents people with AIDS to work by
authors such as Douglas Crimp, Peter Selwyn, Suzzanne Fried, and others
shows how The Gifts of the Body depicts AIDS in a productive, professional
|The Gifts of The Body rejects certain negative connotations
that have developed because of AIDS and superbly represents some of the
truths for people living with this disease.
If you would like further help on developing a thesis statement, there
are several handouts available online. An entire list can be found
In class on March 2, we talked about the various elements of a paragraph
for this type of essay. To help make that clearer, I've prepared
some examples below. The paragraphs are from actual student papers,
reprinted with their permission, though I may have revised a few words,
phrases, or sentences to enhance their flow. Everyone should remember
our discussion from March 2 and read through the samples. Compare
them to your own paragraphs. If this still does not make sense to
you or you would like some assistance, see me or visit the Writing Center.
If you go to the Writing Center, you may want to take the address for this
webpage or a printout so that you can show them what we covered in class
(if you do your own print out, make sure to underline or color each sentence
* Remember, the topic sentence should focus on analysis and
not summary. It tells your reader the exact focus of the paragraph;
it's a one-sentence statement of what the paragraph will prove.
Points that Support Topic Sentence
Evidence for Points
Description/Analysis of How Evidence
Proves the Points
presents her characters in a way that helps readers see them as fully-developed
human begins and not just people who have a disease, a strategy that Douglas
Crimp would support. Crimp argues how
he thinks people with AIDS should be represented in his article, "Portraits
of People with AIDS." He analyzes many articles and pictures that
show people with AIDS, including the photographs of Nicholas Nixon.
Crimp dislikes Nixon's photographs because they only
show the dark side of this disease. Crimp
says that these photographs reenforce "hopelessnes" and "the privacy of
the people portrayed is brutally invaded" (682). For
Crimp, representations like Nixon's show only part of life with AIDS and
strip people of the things that make them human. Brown
does the oppositte in her book. For
example, she describes Connie, an older woman with AIDS. Connie is
very sick. Brown's narrator describes
how such a simple thing as a bath hurts Connie. After one of her
baths, the narrator says that Connie "sat on the bed and griped the edge.
She was breathing hard. I lifted her feet and helped her lie down.
I held the back of her neck and laid her against the pillow" (22).
Connie must be ill to need so much help after a bath,
and descriptions such as this show how sick she must be. However,
the illness is not all readers see of Connie. Brown also shows her
to be a caring, loving mother. Connie
tells the narrator stories about her kids, such as one about her son, Joe,
that the family jokes about years later (55-7). The
narrator also describes how Connie's family takes care of her.
The narrator talks about how Joe "would take his
coffee over and sit by Connie's bed and visit with her" (153). And
she shows how Connie's daugheter, Ingrid, "brought the twins to see her
from time to time" (156). These descriptions
show how Connie is not just a sick woman but a woman who has children and
grandchildren who love her. She is a person.
| However, even though Brown does a good
job of representing people with AIDS, her book does not tell the complete
story of life with AIDS for many Americans, especially African Americans.
Gender becomes important because Brown does show
men and women with AIDS, but she rarely mentions race in her book.
Not focusing on race in her story leaves out an entire community that is
being hit by AIDS. In "The Black Death," Maxine Waters, a United
States Representative shows what a pblem AIDS has become for many African
Americans. She writes, "AIDS is now
the leading cause of death for black people aged 25 to 44. African-American
teenagers and young adults account for one-third of reported AIDS cases
in the group aged 13 to 24. . . . There can be no question that the
AIDS crisis in the balck community is a public health emergency" (21).
AIDS clearly affects many, many African-American
people throughout the United States. However,
Brown does not make this effect clear. One character, Keith, is probably
African American. The narrator describes
his skin as "dark brown" (117) and how he has paintings over his bed from
Africa (121), but his skin could be dark from
his illness and he could have acquired the artwork while traveling in Africa
as a tourist. Brown never makes the
race of Keith or any of her characters clear. Therefore, readers
cannot see how AIDS affects people of different races across the country.
No book can tell the full story of life with
AIDS, so readers cannot expect Brown to tell everyone's story, but readers
must also remember that only a part of the entire story is being told.
Created by Nels P. Highberg