On each essay you complete, I write down a grade range.  This points towards the grade that your paper would receive if I were actually grading it today.  If I say your paper is in the "B range," then that means that if I were grading it, it would most likely earn a B-, B, or B+.  When I actually grade papers, I have to spend a fair amount of time comparing papers, deciding which deserve higher or lower grades.  Since I want us to focus on revision at this point and feel I should spend my time making comments that would assist you in revision, I put down a general range so you have an idea about where the paper is headed, but I try to stay away from the nitty-gritty part of grading, at this point.

Revision is more than just cleaning up a previous draft.  It requires "re-vision."  In other words, I want you to look at your paper again and see it in a new light.  In addition to the comments I make, what can you change to make the paper better?  If you only clean up the grammar and typos or add a detail here and there, your grade will probably not go up because I do not see you working at "re-vision," or pushing yourself to improve the paper as much as possible.  If you do not make any changes at all, be aware that your final grade will most likely rest in the lower areas of the grade range.  Because I give you time for revision, I expect to see revision before grades will increase.  And to see your grade rise, I expect to see re-vision.
 

1. The Generic Introduction/Conclusion.  I warned some of you directly about not falling into this trap, but all of you should hear the warning.  A generic introduction or conclusion is one that could be attached to any paper in the class.  It usually focuses on making larger, general statements about the topic.  For example, introductions or conclusions that talk about HIV and AIDS being problesm we all need to take seriously and should therefore care about are not as effective because anyone in the class could use that to start their paper.  Find the most specific, original way for you to begin and end telling your story, not everyone's story.
2. Relate to Your Experience.  Because these are personal essays, I want to remind everyone to tie what you have to say about AIDS to your own experience.  When you state that you learned something about AIDS, make sure that, to the best of your ability, you explain how you learned it.  Use specific details.  I know you can't remember everything, but you can remember some things.  If it happened at school, describe your school.  If it happened at home, describe your home and family.  If you can't describe the particular moment (which most people, including me, can't), then describe the situation, the place, the setting.
3. Titles.  You should remember that titles of books, movies, television shows, magazines, and journals need to be in italics or underlined.  Titles of chapters, songs, and poems should be "in quotation marks."  For further clarification, see chapter 38 of Longman.  This is important because proper punctuation for titles clues your reader in to the genre of the text you are discussing, and, as we've gone over in class, understanding issues of genre becomes a fundamental aspect of reading and writing.

1. Paragraphing.  Because you are limited to one page for this essay, issues of paragraph development are different than you are usually used to.  This is not the standard five-paragraph essay, and you don't need to write a standard introduction or conclusion.  The strongest essays consisted of one or two paragraphs.  To help you with this, think of issues related to the next topic, focus.
2. Focus.  You need to have a clear focus for the essay.  You can't say everything, but you need to give as complete a picture of the text as possible.  In your first sentence of two, state what you think Selwyn is doing in the text as a whole.  Then move directly into the chapter, using one or two key points to shape your paragraphs.  Your key points frame your essay, stating what you think Selwyn is doing.  Be as clear and forceful in your statements of focus as possible.  Then, prove those statements with evidence from the text.  Another point to remember is that quantity of examples is not as important as how you frame and focus your essay.  I don't expect you to describe more than two or three people Selwyn mentions.  Quantity is not important.  How you set up the focus and frame for your essay and use evidence to support that focus is important.  Again, the best essays had a clear focus stated at the start of the essay, a couple of key points, clear explanations of the kinds of evidence Selwyn uses to prove these points, and a strong concluding statement that wraps up the essay.  This essay has all of the elements of strong academic writing, just not in the forms you may be used to.  In this case, be focused, direct, and clear.
3. Use of Historical Present.  When you write about a written text and you describe something the author is doing, use present tense:  "Selwyn says," "Selwyn uses," "Selwyn describes," or "Selwyn works with."  You do this because, every time you open the book, Selwyn is doing what he is doing as though you are reading it for the first time.

1. Audience.  Remember, your audience consists of students in other English 161 sections.  They have not read what we have read, so you need to explain everything as fully as possible.  Clarify who these writers are and what their basic arguments are, as well.  Explain everything as fully as possible; your audience will not know what you are talking about unless you do.
2. Quotations.  Almost everyone still needs a little help with MLA Documentation style.  Reading Chapter 46  of Longman will help.  If you would rather look online, check here.
3. Developing Thesis Statements and Paragraphs.  I have developed an extensive page on this subject and I advise everyone in class to read it carefully.  Look here.

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