Wellness Center - Let's Talk About Sex

Abstinence

Abstinence is the only 100% effective form protection. It’s also the safest and cheapest. It’s free and you don’t have to go anywhere to get it.
Virgins and non-virgins can be abstinent. Even if you have ever had sex before, you can choose to refrain from sex now, but it may be difficult.
Abstaining from sex, while it can be difficult has many advantages. You don’t have to worry about STDs or pregnancy for one but you are also not exposed to hormones involved in many other forms of birth control.
Your level of abstinence will depend on you. There are many ways to abstain. Some may choose to refrain from all sexual contact including kissing and touching while others may do as much as they feel comfortable with.
For those that push the limits of abstinence, proceed with caution. While mutual masturbation and outercourse (aka dry humping or having sex with your clothes on) are common ways people practice abstinence. It is important to be careful with fluid exchange (see the digital sex section.) For you risk takers, remember: oral sex is still sex.
If you are struggling with abstinence here are some things you can do:
- Tell your partner. If they don’t agree with your decision, you don’t need them. Their loss not yours.
- Stop and think. Don’t give into pressure; make sure you don’t give in the heat of the moment.
- Let people know. Have a support system of friends and family that respect your decision.
- Refrain from risky behavior. Drinking and drugs impair your judgment and you are more likely to do something you wouldn’t normally do. (For more help see the BEER FREE Zone.)
- Reward yourself. Congratulate yourself for waiting. No one said it would be easy but it can be done.

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Monogamy

Google monogamy and the top results talk about how monogamy does not work. The truth is, monogamy is difficult and both partners need to make it work.
People say that a man will inherently cheat and a man can’t be tied down to just one woman. Now-a-days the same could be said for women.
Monogamy is the practice of being committed: sexually or emotionally to only one person. In other words it is a relationship of only 2 people with neither partner cheating. Whether monogamy is a natural or learned behavior, it is something that needs to be worked at.
Monogamy cannot work with only one person. It requires active communication and honesty.
In the best sense being faithful to one person has far more benefits than risks.
- There is far less jealousy. If you are divided between more than one person, individuals could feel left out. Sure the grass is always greener, but you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.
- Your chances of contracting an STD are far less. (provided both people are honest and no one is dippin off on the side)

How to make monogamy work:

Make a commitment. Monogamy must be a desire of both partners. Make sure that there is open communication about the topic. Express desires and feeling about the issue.
Learn to be close to each other. Other than having sex, talk about other things. Take interest in each other. Connect on a different level.
Take time for yourself. Spending every minute of everyday with each other is unhealthy. Make sure you have enough time to be alone or spend with friends or family.
Be supportive. Support each other. And let some close friends and family know that you are being monogamous. They may be the ones that can help you if you are having trouble with your partner or you are itching to stray.

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Same sex sex

Who you have sex with is up to you. You may feel pressure from your parents, religion or culture to participate in a heterosexual relationship but it cannot change who you are attracted to you.
There is a spectrum or fluidity when it comes to sexuality and sexual expression. There is also no right or wrong when we chose to have sex with someone. Homosexuality is not synonymous with promiscuity and homosexual and bisexual persons can participate in both monogamy and abstinence.
Having sex with someone of the same sex can be very satisfying. Just remember that STDs can affect anyone: gay, lesbian, bisexual or heterosexual. It is important that anyone regardless of sexual preference to use precaution and protection.
Any sexual contact can carry the risk of HIV/STDs. Safety is important whenever you choose to have sex.
- For women having sex with women, vagina to vagina contact carries the most risk. Make sure you limit contact without a barrier or precaution and get tested regularly.
- For men having sex with men, the risk of HIV is an ever present danger; reduce your risk by using a condom starting during foreplay but before penetration.

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