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Men in Isolation/Men in Crisis

Ruthanne Faught

The Family Violence Intervention Program Through the Center

For Prevention of Abuse

235 Everett Street, East Peoria, Il 61511

(309-698-2874)

One of the very basic beliefs that men who batter hold, is that someone must be in charge. As simplistic as this sounds, it consumes the lives of men who use power and control in their intimate relationships. For these men being in charge can mean anything from when the house is cleaned to whom his partner may or may not be able to spend time with. It may mean she can or cannot have a job or a telephone or a car.

The men who perpetrate domestic violence will stay home and lose their job if they feel they are losing control of a situation with their partner. They will go to her place of employment and sit outside to see who she is talking to or taking a break with. These men will completely submerge their lives in ways to control their partner's life. While attempting to control her life they lose control of their lives.

Once men begin to realize that their tactics of power and control are no longer working in their relationship they may face feelings of grief, isolation and thoughts of suicide. Some men do not seek help because they don't know who to turn to or they are unable to acknowledge their feelings. These men will isolate themselves from positive experiences and experience most things as a negative. This in turn may cause a crisis in several areas of their lives.

Interventions that may work with men who use power and control:

• Group work: This includes many aspects of promoting honesty and accountability, and ending the use of violence.
• Individual counseling: Address the areas in individual counseling pertaining to their belief system and how it affects everyday living.
• Skill building groups: Learning to recognize anger cues, how to use positive self-talk, and communicate without anger.
• •Crisis line: Men are encouraged to call a crisis line and speak to someone who can address the immediate situation and talk them through.

Men who commit domestic battery are capable of change if they are willing to take the steps necessary to seek help and can commit to the time it will take.