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From A Curse to A Blessing: Working with Difficult People
Olive B. Poliks, M.S., N.C.C., L.P.C., C.D.A.P.
East Aurora High School
500 Tomcat Lane
Aurora, IL 60505
(630) 898-0962 x153
Our jobs are not easy! Attempting always to be alert and calm in a crisis, we try to remain detached, supportive and
non-judgmental. When a client is desperate and suicidal, NOW is the time to demonstrate professional equilibrium,
emotional support and a calm exterior. Unfortunately, a client may not always be grateful and gracious. Sometimes our
efforts to support and provide resources are met with hostility, suspicion and fundamental nastiness. How can we learn to
deal with difficult people? How can we begin to form a new paradigm? How can we transform difficult people From A
Curse to A Blessing?
The common denominator in all types of the difficult people we encounter is their state of neediness and unrelenting
demands. Our personal issues of boundaries and self-care often become neglected or forgotten. Faced with the emotionally
charged problems of a life-threatening situation, we often have inadequate administrative support, and unrealistic
expectations of others and ourselves. Demands of increased paper work compound the pressure we feel. We are taught to
withhold our own personal reactions and respond professionally to clients and their families. On the most basic level, our
feelings are sometimes hurt and anger may simmer on the edge of our consciousness. To reveal our real feelings to the
client would be inappropriate and unprofessional.
A willingness to change and adapt to new behaviors is a prerequisite to managing our relationships with difficult people. The beginning of change is simply to recognize the problem. Each of us must begin to explore the possibility that this difficult person is a "teacher" in disguise. What is it that I need to learn that this difficult person can teach me? What is the pattern that is being repeated in this relationship that I have faced before, unsuccessfully? Managing difficult people is an exercise in conscious-living and self-responsibility. A realistic sense of my own capabilities, a healthy sense of humor, a detached concern for clients, an ability to delegate responsibility, and an awareness of my own legitimate needs are critical not only for my success but for my survival. With tools and strategies, the difficult people I work with can be transformed From A Curse to A Blessing.