DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE:
Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Get Back In The Water...
Dr. Olive Poliks, LPC, NCC, EdD
THE OLIVE BRANCH OF STRESS MANAGEMENT & CONFLICT MEDIATION
350 Old Indian Trail WestAurora, IL 60506 (630) 859-8707
It had been a stress-filled day, but Josh survived! Three suicide attempts, one drug overdose and a department meeting that nearly ended in a screaming match. Josh felt exhausted inside and out, but grateful that he had the evening ahead to recover. Stopping at the grocery store, while standing in line he found himself irritated by the short tempered clerk who managed to drop a can of olives on his bag of Crispy Cream doughnuts. A woman ran her cart into him as he tried to get out the door. When he got home, he found his wife in tears. Their son had been suspended for cheating on a math test. Josh disbelievingly stared at his son as his son glared back at him. Josh slumped in his favorite chair to find he had just sat on his wife's curling iron.
Some days are like that! JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS SAFE TO GET BACK IN THE WATER reminds us that there is no "safe haven" for any of us. Not for us as crisis intervention personnel or for those we are trying to help. The key to Dealing With Difficult Peopleis to remember that we are never on "off duty." How do we learn to manage these unrelenting demands on our patience? Self-care is the key. Taking care of our physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual needs is essential.
Getting enough sleep, eating healthy foods, moderating sugar, caffeine and alcohol are important. The need for exercise is critical. Merely parking your car far from the train station and taking the stairs instead of the elevator is a good beginning.
We need to make our own emotional needs a priority. Self-talk is a critical ingredient. Would we every shame and guilt our clients as we shame and guilt ourselves, with "should have's" "ought to's" and "not-good-enough's?" We need to look at issues of boundaries and detachment and gently accept our best efforts as "good enough." Albert Ellis list of "Illogical Assumptions" is a good worksheet to review.
We need to also take care of ourselves intellectually. Reading professional journals, attending conferences like Convening and networking with others can help us learn new techniques and strategies to become more effective and efficient in our work.
Finally, we need to meet our spiritual needs and remember we are not God. We cannot save everyone. We cannot even have a guarantee that we will help everyone. T.S. Elliot tells us. "There is only the trying. The rest is none of our business."
The job, the grocery store, the family…all these sometimes join forces to try our patience and threaten to rob us of our commitment to help others. It IS safe to get back in the water…but we need to be prepared with a strong body, mind and spirit. Only then will be able to Deal With Difficult People successfully.
To return to the Table of Contents, click here.