presented at Convening 19
Alison Koehler
Child and Family Counseling Center
Chicago, Illinois
The practice of the helping profession remains one of the most challenging and stressful occupations that an individual can undertake. When a client suddenly dies through suicide, accidents, or disasters the emotional turmoil is far more excessive than if a client is terminally ill and counseling centers around the grief of dying and final "good-byes." The mental health professional's grief cannot be forgotten.
The way in which an individual dies affects that person's family, friends, and health care workers. As mental health professionals, our relationship with our clients are unique and special; a different rapport is built where trust is a primary factor so that the relationship continues to build so clients can grow. We trust our clients to do the best they can for themselves in therapy; we trust them to come to their appointments when scheduled, to do the homework we give, to work on bettering themselves. When we begin to see slight changes, we feel proud of ourselves and of our clients. We never expect them to not be in therapy until we terminate the counseling relationship together. We don't expect our clients to be killed, to die without preparation; yet, it happens more often in today's society.
Sudden deaths from accidents, homicides, suicides, or war have a powerful affect on the survivors, especially if great pain had been experienced by the victim. Arguments rage over the moral right of a person to take his or her life. On the one hand, if I am not in charge of my own life, I am not in charge of anything; it is my life and I should be able to take it if and when I want. However, suicide affects all people involved with that person and it often arises from stressors that can be alleviated through counseling. That alone puts stress on mental health professionals and it is awesome; if we are not able to reach that client who is so distressed and that client takes his/her life, we as counselors naturally wonder what we could have done differently? What if I had done this? What if I had returned that phone call immediately? What if..?
Accidents are the most frequent cause of death among younger people. Accidents are just that: Surprises, they catch you off guard, when you're unaware. As counselors, we are to be prepared for anything, especially if you're a crisis worker. Still, the shock exists because though we are professionals, we are still human beings and that comes first in our lives. Sometimes, it is even helpful to believe that the person who died in some ways deserved to die. That makes "sense" of what is otherwise perceived as an absurd or meaningless death. Conversely, if the dead person was not "deserving" to die, then anger is directed at the person who caused the accident or could have prevented the accident.
Our clients are our first responsibility and the time we spend with them and for them is phenomenal. Our loss is different from that of their family's, but we need to grieve and be recognized that we too have suffered a loss. This discussion will center around these topics as well as personal experiences from the speaker, co-workers, and audience members.