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January 16, 2003
A: FROM MENTOR SNEZANA DALAFAVE
IN NJ
I don't know about you, but when I was in a similar situation
I dropped everything (this included all school and out-of-school
activities) except the two that I defined essential for my
well-being. Before I did it, I was dreading my decision. I
thought I was going to miss out on something. But as soon
as that first free afterrnoon came, I forgot all about it.
Humans need rest. Rather than thinking about it as a wasted
time, I tried to think of it as paying dividents to my physical
and spiritual health. It did pay off. Good luck to you. I
hope you make the right decision for you.
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A: FROM MENTOR DEB MACKAY
IN KY
Chantel - you have asked a very good question, and one you
will probably
face throughout adulthood! It is important to pursue both
your
extra-curricular activities and your schoolwork. (It's like
balancing your
job and your "real life".) You can juggle a lot
but some part of your life
has to be energizing to you. If everything is always a drain
then you need
to reconsider the activities in which you choose to participate.
Consider
your choir - do you have a passion for music and sharing music
with others?
do you have fun at choir practices? can you imagine singing
for the next
20 or 30 years? sure! What a blessing and encouragement you
can be to
others when you sing! Also, consider the relationships you
are making in
choir, ROTC, and high school - do you have friends you enjoy
sharing
classes with? Make chatting with them before or after class
and during
lunch a part of your day. In school and in your career the
most enjoyable
times (fun is allowed!) will revolve around the people you
meet and get to
know. Don't leave people out of your priorities.
Next year, and in college - if you have any choice in the
matter - find out
about the teachers of your classes. Keep you eye on the end
goal, so if you
need Physics or Calculus next year take them, but if possible
see if any of
the classes you need are taught by people who are respected
and creative
teachers. Talk to Seniors at your school. Having a class taught
by
someone with whom you "click" is really helpful.
I recall my college
having a publication which described the quirks and strengths
of the
professors. You might look for this when you go to college,
or talk with
upper classmen there too.
Use your weekends to "recharge your batteries."
Allow yourself both rest
and enjoyment. Consider getting homework done early in the
weekend so you
can go have fun without having the weight of unfinished work
looming over
you.
Celebrate your accomplishments with family and friends, even
the "little"
ones. Well written papers or successful tests, well done projects,
choir
events, ROTC accomplishments all provide a chance for you
to feel good
about what you are doing and where you are headed. Reflecting
on your good
work should give you a boost!
I hope something of this helps. I am encouraged by your awareness,
and
that you have taken on a variety of responsibilities. Responsibility
is a
character quality that has the potential to take you far!
********************
January 15, 2003
A: FROM MENTOR SUZETTE MINORINI
IN TX
You said it right when you used the word FOCUS. It sounds
like your
extracurricular activities are varied so hopefully they offer
you a sense
of enjoyment both as an individual and as part of a team -
both of these
are a plus. In the end, it all comes down to your mental attitude
and how
you look at the activities. Are they for your own enjoyment
or are they a
chore and just work? If the ROTC or Choir are more of a chore,
then maybe
you've lost interest and no longer see them as fun and envigorating.
If
so, it may be time for a change.
It then comes down to priorities. I would guess that your
first priority
is your classwork and grades. If your classes are getting
especially
demanding, it's time to think about where you're at today
and what you hope
to achieve at the end of the year and at the end of high school.
Maybe a
semester break is realistic and you'll want to resume these
activities in
your senior year? Maybe not.
I think it's great that you recognize there is a problem and
you're
addressing how to deal with it now. Once you've identified
your priorities
and considered the time commitment for them, you can begin
making some
difficult choices. You'll then carry on feeling much better
about your
schedule and your commitments. Good Luck!
********************
A: FROM MENTOR KATHERINE DRENNON
IN KY
: I completely understand how extra curricular activities
can burden you and wear you out. To be completely honest,
I had the same problem my final semester of college. I was
so worn out that I didn't have time to relax and take time
for myself and my emotional health. I suggest that you try
to prioritize and schedule your time so that you have time
for yourself. Try to get your homework done as soon as possible,
instead of waiting to the last minute, that way you have that
"last minute" to yourself. Also, make time on weekends
to just get out and have fun. All work and no play makes Chantel
a dull girl (trust me on this). Friends can be a big help
because they can empathize with your situation too. Go have
a day at the mall with your friends, or go to a movie. Anything
to give yourself a little breathing room.
If it comes right down to it, try to take it easy this summer.
In the fall semester when you start college, take a light
class load (like only the minimum for full time), and get
involved in some recreation activites. Try to have fun with
college, because you only have it once. I finished my bachelor's
degree in 3.5 years, and didn't take any time for myself while
I was doing it. That is why I got so burned out my final semester
and made the only D in my life. After college, I chose of
get a job rather than going back to grad school right away,
that way I could take time for myself and restore my desire
to learn. That might also be an option for you. If you do
this, though, I would suggest that you start with an internship
somewhere you might like to work (not McDonald's or Walmart!)
and that might turn into a more long-term job, or at least
give you the break you need to refocus you energies. Good
luck either way!
******************
A: FROM MENTOR DIANA DEDE
IN CO
I have two daughters in high school and can appreciate the
stresses you are
feeling.
It is great that you are in ROTC, a wonderful leadership opportunity
that
will go with you the rest of your life. Choir can be a chance
to relax and
classes just have to be handled as well as the homework.
I hope you are getting a chance to do some form of exercise
that is just fun.
Take a walk, jog with friends, go swimming or roller-skating.
Anything that
is not competitive but will give you a chance to let the mind
wander and
relax.
Also let yourself just (to use a term from my generation)
veg. There is
nothing wrong with watching a really silly tv show just for
stress relief.
My kids are getting a hoot out of Joe Millionaire. You will
also find that
you can study better if you take a few breaks while you are
studying. My
kids do not follow the usual pattern and have been known to
study while
listening to music or watching TV. It works for them. You
do not have to
get A's on everything. Let yourself be a kid and do not be
too hard on
yourself. Ten years from now, no one is going to care if you
didn't get an A
in every class or homework assignment. It is okay to not be
perfect.
Also, really work on good nutrition. Try to take a multivitamin
every day
and be sure you are getting good sources of protein without
too much fat.
Drink that milk. Eat those veggies and fruit. Sounds simple
but you will
feel better if you are eating well.
Good luck and have a piece of chocolate, it also works to
just give yourself
a little treat. You deserve it.
********************
A: FROM MENTOR CAROL TOMAN
IN IL
It sounds like you're feeling either overwhelmed or burned
out. First,
I want to commend you on realizing that this is happening
to you and
asking for help. Many of us go through periods like this in
our lives
and the skills you use to deal with your situation now will
probably
help you again at some time in the future. Do a self-check:
are you
too much of a perfectionist, putting in too much effort on
everything
that you do? Are you feeling pressured to achieve a lot? Where
is the
pressure coming from, yourself or others? Are you involved
in extra
activities that you don't enjoy? If you don't feel you can
drop them,
could you instead modify them to be more satisfying or replace
them with
activities you'd like more? Do you have a hobby? How do you
spend your
weekends and your school vacations? Do you do fun things with
friends
and with your family?
Many adults are still learning the lesson that we have to
nourish
ourselves so you are in good company. Talk with a parent,
teacher,
guidance counselor, pastor, or other trusted adult about your
specific
situation. And if this is really serious -- if you find yourself
starting to not care about things that used to matter to you,
if you
have trouble sleeping or you lose your appetite -- definitely
tell an
adult about what's happening. Depression is not uncommon in
young
adults and it is easily treatable but it is often overlooked
since
teenagers are often "moody" by nature.
Good luck finding a balance between doing what you have to
do and what
you want to do.
*******************
A: FROM MENTOR MARANDA MILLER
IN NY
I advise you to set your priorities on activities to participate
in. Your
classes should be your number one priority and adjust your
other activities
respectively. You don't want to burn out at an early age,
so maybe cut down
on the extracuricular activities.
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