December 10, 2004
A: FROM MENTOR BRENDA WOLFE IN CO
Hello Valerie -
I have two boys now 15 and 12. I have worked since before they were born.
There are several factors which have allowed me to pursue my career while juggling family requirements.

1. First, find an employer that allows as much flex time as possible. I do not have to punch a clock - as long as I do my 40 hours a week ( most times it is more) - I can come and go within reason. This helps with Dr appt, school functions, etc. Sometimes I leave a bit early but come back and work- or work on my lap top at home after the kids go to bed.

2. You must have an flexible spouse. My husband likes to go in early - and get off earlier. So, I pull the morning duty with the kids -and he pulls the after school duty. The kids get more 'parent' time this way.

3. Realize early on, that you work for free while the kids are in day-care. Quality day care is expensive.

4. It is essential to have a good support system outside. I am lucky because I live near my family - so they help a lot. It certainly helps to have an extended family - whether with relatives, church or neighbors.

5. Finally, you can't sweat every detail. I don't clean house every week - and the yard isn't perfect.

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November 29, 2004
A: FROM MENTOR NATALIE GIVANS IN VA
Though it is certainly not easy day to day, I absolutely think you can
manage your career and your personal life to achieve an acceptable
balance. I was single until 7 years ago and built my career for 13
years at my company working whatever hours and time of day that I needed
to and yet also had lots of activities outside of work that I enjoyed
such as skiing, mountain biking, ballroom dance, polynesian dance,
scuba, and more. Once married, I instantly had twin 8 year olds from my
husband's previous marriage - they lived with us full time from the
start - and since then we've added a third child. So, I have twin 16
year olds and a 4 year old, plus a career that needs about 60 hours a
week from me in the current form. The way I choose to manage this
balance is to ensure that I'm in early in the morning (about 7 am),
leave around 5 pm, have dinner and conversation, homework review, games,
reading, etc., with the kids until 8 or 9, then if I wasn't done for the
day at work, I'll log in to email or review reports/documents from 9 pm
until about 11. Others in my situation will work late, but will not
work weekends or evenings once they are at home. Every one of us has
our own balance points - for me, it is having dinner and breakfast with
my kids and husband; for other folks, it is different, but equally
important to them. I find I have to revisit my balance about every six
months because something, usually work, will have swung too far out of
balance. I also ensure that I get exercise, eat well, sleep enough, pay
attention to my hobbies, and my husband's dreams as much as possible so
that some day when we retire, I will be healthy, happy, and still
married happily! Are there specific questions that you have? Let me
know - I'd be happy to talk with you at some point if that would be
helpful.
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A: FROM MENTOR BARB KONTOGIANNIS IN CO
Hi Valerie. I have two children and am an Engineering Manager on a program that builds and launches rockets. I wondered the same thing when I was in high school! I decided to pursue my dreams, and not worry about family until the time was right. I went to college, studied hard and earned two engineering degrees. I pursued my career goals - working in the space industry. I worked hard, travelled a lot, and really enjoyed my career. I eventually got married, and decided to have children. I now have two daughters, ages 1 and 3. I still work and enjoy it very much. One very important factor in continuing to work is to have good daycare. There are many good daycare centers, home care, nannies, or even relatives. I am fortunate to have family nearby, and my daughters stay with their grandma during the day. I know many other mothers who have found the right situation for them - nannies, daycare centers - whatever works best for your family. It is hard to juggle the demands of work and family, but certainly not impossible. It helps to be organized and to have a supportive husband or friends and family. I keep a very detailed calendar of daily activities - who needs to be where and when, and any due dates or deadlines that need to be met.
Don't be afraid to pursue your dreams just because you want to have children someday. There are many good companies to work for, and some even have options for part time work or jobsharing, if that's helpful to you. Many companies are even starting to have on-site daycare centers.
Juggling career and family takes effort, but can be very rewarding. Good luck to you!
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A: FROM MENTOR AMY MCMILLAN IN NY
Hi Valerie, I am guessing there are many of us mentors with children. I
have one daughter - I had her while I was getting my PhD. It was a
challenge but actually a pretty good time for me to have her. I now
teach and do research at a university and she is 10. I spend as much
time as I can with her and she comes to work and helps me. I think you
have to decide what your priorities are - if they are to have a family
and a career you will find a way to do both. It isn't easy (but few
things really worthwhile are!) but both my daughter and my job are
immensely rewarding. I usually don't think I give enough to either but
it truly is a constant juggling act - when I have to give more to one or
the other I find a way to do that. Luckily, I have never had to choose
one or the other - hopefully, few women have had to make that kind of
choice. I did choose to stop with one child, I personally feel that is
the best choice for me, but I know other women with more than one child
and a very successful career. I even coach my daughter's basketball team
- and keep up with my courses and research! Best of luck with your own
juggling act but know that it can be done successfully!
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A: FROM MENTOR CAROL TOMAN IN IL
Many of us have children and great careers. My first advice to you is
to go slowly in life. Don't get married too young, and choose your
husband carefully! He will have a lot of influence on your life path so
find a man that loves being a daddy and supports you in your career.
It's a lot easier to get your career established first before starting a
family than it is to do it in the other order. Keep your goals
realistic because some sacrifices are necessary. You can't both work
zillions of hours away from home and still have a close relationship
with your family. It just doesn't work that way. I was very fortunate
to be able to work part time (between 25 and 34 hours) until my youngest
started high school. This did not impede my career at all. In fact,
most people didn't even realize that I was part time. I found I was
able to give total concentration to my job in the hours I was there
because my private life was under control. Which reminds me to say that
absolutely trustworthy day care is essential, too. If you know that
your kids are not only safe and healthy, but having a great time, you
can be productive at work. There are days that are challenging (like
when a child is sick and you have an important presentation to give) but
women should expect to have both careers and families.
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A: FROM MENTOR MINI VARUGHESE IN MD
Unfortunately, most of the speakers whom I have heard on balancing work and home seem to have house-husbands. Those who don't have this luxury, have to realize one big thing. Sleep deprivation. Plus organization. Get it ready the night before or forget it about. Also, the weekend is not the time to save up all the chores. Once you have kids, plan to finish what you can on the weekdays. The kids take up all the weekends, even as babies. It can be done, has been done, and I am doing it. If don't like kids, wait. I waited till I was 35 and feel much better about it. And oh, yes, if you wait to have kids, you can afford maid service.